Day 3.......

......aka what they call here *the hardest day*.... and it was hard, but fun too!!!

Our hike was really great, although it would have been even better if we weren't hiking in muck!! It was pouring for most of it, so that was interesting.... I didn't take my camera as I was worried about getting it wet, so no hike pics today... but I took a few more pictures of my surroundings - see below. You'll also see my schedule for today which I carry around my neck on a lanyard with my room key and name tag... there's not a lot of downtime, which is I'm sure on purpose, as once you're in your room after a pool class, it's hard to strip down, dry off and get a new outfit on in just 8 or 9 minutes... if I had more time in there to relax, I'm sure it would be easy to talk myself into skipping the next class!

Did I mention that housekeeping visits everyday - makes my bed and cleans my bathroom.. can you say HEAVEN!! It's weird not to have to think about cleaning and making meals, and who should be doing what.... it's weird but definitely nice - I'm not complaining!

OK, sorry - not a lot to say today... am really tired. I should have more time next week since I wont have lectures after lunch and dinner. I want to spend some time processing what I'm going through here and write about it ...

Leslie xo

Day 2!

Well, I survived! It was definitely harder today as every muscle in my body seemed to rebel against the simple act of MOVING, but the 6am stretch class really helped that.

The hike we did today was the beach hike and it was a great 2nd day hike, as there wasn't a ton of incline. It was only about 3 miles, but it was in the SAND.... and it was damn hard. It got easier though, once all those sand-walking muscles realized there was no way around it, and they kicked in - and I found the incline (although small, STEEP!) - easier today. Trick I use is to start controlling my breathing before I start going up and then just concentrate on that... works for me so far! I was proud of myself today, too, as most people chose to walk back to the van on the road, but I walked back in the sand...it was hard, but hey, I'm here to do some hard stuff!

So today I am tired with a capital T.... it's been go go go and today seemed way longer than yesterday, and I have to admit, my smile wasn't AS big :) But I'm enjoying everything and plan to attend every class and work this program until it works on me... today I did the hike for just over 2 hours, learned how to use free weights, spent 45 minutes in the pool, 45 minutes doing interval training and 45 minutes doing a total body toning class.... plus 2 lectures. By 7pm you really are exhausted, but it's a good exhausted... feels great being physically tired instead of just emotionally/ mentally tired AND tired just because you're so out of shape.. you know? I wore my heart rate monitor today and according to it I burned over 10,000 calories!! That's CRAZY!!!

It started raining last night and it was misty and foggy all day today... supposed to be the same for the next couple of days, which sort of sucks, but really I don't mind...I find it easier to hike when it's a bit cooler and found the mist refreshing!! The pool here is outdoor, but heated, so even when the weather isn't warm, the water feels great. If I was only here for a week, I'd probably be a bit more disappointed about the rain, but I'm sure I'll see a lot more sunny days :)

Last thing before I head to bed... the food has been AMAZING!! I am seriously so full after each meal and cant believe we only consume approx 1300 calories a day (meals plus snack on the hike)... truly. The AMOUNT of food on your plate in unbelievable and because it's so high fiber and dense nutritionally, you feel really full...haven't felt hungry yet!!! I've included a few pictures in the slideshow below to give you an idea.

OK off to bed.... see you tomorrow!

PS - I cant believe there have been over 1300 views of my blog!!!

Day 1

Wow!!!! What a crazy day.... But it really was fantastic. Today I.....

Went to a stretch class at 6am
Hiked for 2 1/5 hours - 7  miles!!!
Was in the pool twice (45 minutes each) for intervals/strength training
Did a 45 minute circuit training class
Did a 45 minute core training class
Attended 2 lectures

......and I survived! Actually I did more than that, I really really enjoyed it. I had a smile on my face all day and was just amazed at what I was able to do. I've always known I was physically strong, but I convinced myself that I was a weak person I think, incapable or unworthy of pushing my boundaries. I was out of my comfort zone so many times today I can't even count and even had a little cry after SPRINTING for 2 30 second intervals. I don't remember the last time I sprinted. I've aways felt SO uncomfortable running and have been afraid of the physical impact it would have being so overweight, but today it really was fantastic. It was only for 60 seconds mind you, but just doing that while the instructor yelled *you will be amazed at what your body can do - push yourself!*, felt like a real breakthrough for me.

I know my body wants to lose weight - I could feel it today as I pushed it to walk 7 MILES up and down about 4 canyons, and I could feel it when I was able to keep going during a killer core training class when I kept thinking *I cant - it hurts too much!* A lot of people here say *don't think about it - just do it.... if you think, you only think about how you can't do it* - and that worked for me today!

I've met tons of great people - each with their own story and reasons for being here - last night at our first supper, everyone introduced themselves and the stayover guests gave advice... it was really inspirational to hear what they said. Everyone is here to change, and it's neat to hear and see it actually happening to real people!

I know the hike tomorrow will be a LOT harder after everything I put my body through today, but I'm still looking forward to it and hope I'll be able to push even further.

I've included a few pictures tomorrow from today's hike and of my little cabin..... it goes fast, so pause it and click on arrows manually, and if you click on the slideshow itself it will take you to my web album where the pictures will be bigger and easier to see.

Thank you all SO much for all your emails and messages - I was hoping to get to them today, but well, it's 8:30pm and time for bed - imagine!!!

Leslie

OH MY GOD - I'm here!!!

OK, this will be quick because I NEED to get to bed.... there's a long day of physical agony tomorrow starting at 6am :)

First of all, sorry for being so absent here all week.... as I'm sure you can imagine it was a crazy time for me as I prepared for leaving..... I wanted the house to be clean (silly, I know - but will Marius REALLY clean the sheets and dust? He says he will, but REALLY?!), I wanted all loose ends tied up for my volunteer work, I needed to pack, and I needed to make myself feel better for leaving my kids by making sure they had lots of stuff to *replace me* :) Not sure crafts and toys will do that, but it makes ME feel better that Marius is *armed* with fun stuff for them to do and play with!

Saying goodbye to the kids last night was VERY hard.... Matthew was sad, but in the next instant was being his silly self and Evan doesnt really have a clue, so he was easy... it was Maya who I was dreading saying goodbye to as she actually KNOWS what a month is!!! She cried and clung to me and it was SO hard!!! But I KNOW she, and the boys, will be fine.... this will be a great thing for Marius too.... he gets to relax and just be a Dad for 4 weeks.... it will be a new adventure for him, and I'm sure he'll enjoy it.

So I was up at 5am and got here at 1:15ish.... 4:15ish Ottawa time, so I was travelling for almost 10 hours - yuck! Because I went with Westjet, I had to transfer in Calgary, so I'm sure it added a couple of hours to my trip..... but I made it!! And thankfully there was another woman on my shuttle going to the Ridge too, so I arrived with a friend :) Which was great, because I was SOOO nervous on those planes... going back and forth between *what am I DOING?* and *I'm so excited!* ........plus there is a friend here who I'd already *met* on the Ridge's Facebook Group, so it was great to meet her in person. She's been emailing me all week with what to bring, what not to bring, how it's going, etc (thanks Shelli!).... so my first couple of hours have been great!

This place is FABULOUS... with a capital F people..... I can already tell that I'm going to have the time of my life and learn so much.... mostly about myself and what I'm capable of. Everything I've experienced so far just adds to my excitement and I feel SOOOO blessed to be here. My room is the cutest thing you've ever seen -  I'll take pictures soon so you can see where I'm *living* for the month.

So I had better go and unpack and lay out all I need tomorrow.... an outfit for the hike, a bathing suit and another workout outfit for the afternoon..... laundry here should be interesting!

Thank you everyone for all your emails and Facebook messages and comments - I feel all that love supporting me as I go about this internal transformation!!

Love you all :)

So I broke the news.....

... to my kids!

We were snuggled up on my bed watching a movie together on Saturday morning, and I told them I was going to be going away.......

It went something like this....and keep in mind I was dreading upsetting them :)

Me: I have something to tell you guys and I'm not sure you're going to like it.

Maya: Just tell us Mommy (translation: stop being so dramatic Mother).

Me: I am going to be going away for a little while..... for a month.

Matthew: a MONTH!! Is that FOREVER??

Me: No it's not forever, it's only for 4 weeks.

Maya: Oh OK...... {pause} I thought you were going to tell us that you were going to be dead.

Me: Uh no, I'm just going away.

SILENCE....

Evan: VeeVee Abbey! (translation: *TV Mommy* - Evan calls me Abbey!)

.....aaaaand we're back to watching the movie.

Huh. Although I definitely didn't expect them to fall to pieces at the news, and I'm VERY glad that my kids are easy going and feel secure and safe with either parent, I THOUGHT there may have been more concern, and secretly I have to say I was a little disappointed!

Just goes to prove that I will miss them waaaaaay more than they will miss me.

PS - the whole death thing wasn't out of the blue - Maya's been VERY interested in death and dying lately... always asking when she or I am going to die. Leads to some interesting conversations!!

More Press.....

And here's ANOTHER article on the Ridge...... I really like this one :)

http://malibu.patch.com/articles/shedding-the-pounds-in-malibu

Leslie

Only 6 more days!!

See it here!

On the heels of yesterday's post, it was a bit serendipitous to see this article by USA Today online this morning!

Guests come to The Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge Malibu to earn a new body and lifestyle

I've embedded the video they took here as it's the best part (albeit a bit hokey in parts). It gives a good glimpse into life at the Ridge and talks about their philosophy toward food and behaviour modification.



Enjoy!

*Food*

Oh food.....*SIGH*.... if I were to write EVERYTHING I need to express about food and my disordered relationship with it, we'd be here all day – so for this post I'm just going to talk about what I'm GOING to be eating while I'm away and why I think it will help me.

The food at the Ridge is plunked in front of you 3 times a day (no prep or clean up for me!). It's portion-controlled and I'll be eating approximately 1200 calories/day. This is the ONLY thing I have an issue with.... since a larger person needs more calories to just sustain life than a smaller person, it would make more sense to me that the calorie limit would be adjusted based on a person's weight instead of being the same for everyone, but I can see where that would be a logistical nightmare.... so, oh well – it also makes sense that someone who has a lot to lose will lose weight faster on this many calories a day than a smaller person, so I guess it will work to my advantage. :)

But I digress......the meal plan is based on nutritionally dense high-fibre whole foods, with a balance of complex carbohydrates, healthy fats and lean proteins. Foods will be high volume but low in calories - like whole grains, fruits, vegetables, limited dairy, and lean proteins (chicken and fish). We are also given optional snacks for the hikes, and the option of additional side dishes from a salad bar and fruit baskets. From what I've read of others' experiences, the first couple of days the food portions seem small, but by the end of the first week, most people find it enough and very filling... and by all accounts, the food is delish!

So.... no red meat or pork, caffeine, pop, sugar, white anything, processed anything, artificial sweeteners, preservatives or alcohol and very little salt. It's going to be like food rehab. And although that might sound amusing, it's actually true. If I were an alcoholic or a drug addict, I could go to a rehab treatment facility, where they'd deny me whatever substance is ruining my life, and I would be able to PHYSICALLY get off of the drug. Hopefully at the same time, I would receive therapy to help me confront the reasons why I started self-medicating in the first place and to give me tools to stay sober, so that when I left that controlled environment, I would be able to deal with stress and adversity without turning to drugs or alcohol. This really is what I'm hoping the Ridge will do for me. To be in a controlled environment, where I am making NO decisions about food – my drug of choice. Where food will cease to dominate my thoughts because I will have no control over it, and where I will hopefully get the time and space I need to experience clarity and be able to change how I perceive and think about food and eating.

An alcoholic can choose not to pour a drink or can remove all the liquor from his/her home, whereas the food addict can not simply remove food from her life to eliminate temptation. Especially when the food addict has 3 children who rely on her to feed them 3 times a day (5, when you include snacks). Now I know Marius is thinking *Hey! It's not all you – I feed them too!*, but for the most part I am THERE. I am IN that kitchen, I am opening the fridge 20 times a day, I am looking at, smelling, tasting, making decisions about, FOOD. At least a hundred decisions a day, but probably more on *bad* days. And it's exhausting! And it takes up a lot of time, energy and a lot of space in my mind and my LIFE..... and I'm hoping by taking the decisions away, even for that short time, that I'll have more time/energy/space to focus on me and be able to reconnect with the person inside who at one time didn't feel she needed food to comfort her and make her feel *full*.

I'm sure many people who hear what I'm doing may think it's an unrealistic thing to do – eat in a controlled environment – because, obviously I do have to come back to my life. And the food. And the decisions. But I'm hoping that by having a month to really figure out WHY I use food, and to also give my body a chance to detox and feel the impact of exercise with a healthfully fueled body, that I will come back feeling empowered to make new and healthier choices.

What I also like about the food I will be *served*, is that it's not some unreasonable diet based on extremes... like really high protein, or NO carbs or fruit, or very low fat. It's a healthy sustainable food plan that I can easily follow when I'm home. It's the *clean* way of eating that I want for myself and my family. And actually, we are already close to eating this way (well, maybe except for the red meat!) as it has always been a huge priority for me that our kids eat really healthy. And this makes me happy and hopeful - because even if it seems I don't currently consider myself worthy of a healthy clean diet, it at least shows that I really do know WHAT to eat, it's just that I sabotage MY own efforts to do it.

If I ate what and how my kids eat, I wouldn't be overweight. However, it's not what I eat out in the open WITH my family that's the problem.

But THAT is a looooong post for another day :)

10 days to go

Following Along

In case you've never *followed* a blog before (I forget sometimes that not everyone is as geeky as me!), I've added a link on the yellow bar above that explains how to keep track of my new posts. There's also a few tips on commenting and some general blog tips.

Hope it helps - and thanks for following me :)

Leslie

A day in the life.....

Wondering what I'll be doing way down there in sunny Malibu? Well, I won't be lying around getting a tan, I tell ya!

This is what I've gleaned from other blogs to be a typical day:

6am  -  stretch and core strengthening

7am  -  breakfast

8am  -  leave for hike

11     -  back from hike and into a stretch class

noon -  lunch

1pm  - 1st week lecture (weeks 2-4 it will be a cardio class, or perhaps a rest/nap!)

2:30  -  pool class

3:30  -  circuit/interval training

4:30  -  pool class (yes, again!) or a cardio class

5:30  -  dinner

6:15  - 1st week lecture (weeks 2-4, time to relax)

8:30  -  bed!

Sounds exhausting, right?! But I bet it will be hard to be think I'm not capable or not strong enough after accomplishing all that in one day :)

They try to mix up the torture, so there are lots of different classes offered, from kickboxing to step to zumba (dance) to kettlebells – a variety of methods to reduce us to a sweaty hot mess – how nice of them!

You only have about 10-15 minutes between classes to change... our cabins are right there by the pool and gym so there isn't a long walk, but I definitely won't have a lot of free time during the day.

Saturday there is a hike in the morning and then you're free to do whatever you want in the afternoon (some people workout, but you can leave to go sightseeing or see a movie or shop, etc....) and then a graduation in the evening for the people leaving the next day.

Sunday is a day of rest (phew!) with guests leaving and new guests arriving.

My blog posts, emails, phone calls etc will be mostly done in the evening, which works well with the 3-hour time difference. The first week, things might be a bit scarce and brief here in blogland as I'm thinking I may be choosing crying into my pillow sleep over communication with the outside world :)

 

Leslie