Friday, March 4, 2011

Day 19

Well, THIS is more like it! It was 21 degrees this afternoon, the sun was out, people were lounging around the pool after lunch, it was like FINALLY - it feels like I'm in southern California!! It was a beautiful, perfect day.

It started with going on the Zuma straight through hike.. I did this LAST Friday, and enjoyed it, regardless of the driving wind and rain. Today I could really appreciate it as the views were breathtaking and I could see what I'd accomplished (7 miles and a ~2700 feet elevation gain!). I really enjoyed myself on it, and once again feel like I've *finally arrived*... I don't know if I would have believed that I would ever really ENJOY the physicality of hiking... knew I'd be able to get through it, but it feels wonderful to be able to enjoy it.

I've had some amazing conversations with friends here this week, which has made this experience so much more enriching. It's always great to talk about what I'm going through with the food addiction, and the negative self talk and the craziness that accompanies it, with people who really understand and KNOW what I'm talking about. It's amazing how similar our stories are... we may have different triggers and reasons why we eat, but our underlying psychology of how we deal with our emotions and the way we abuse ourselves with food is the same. It's inspiring to see people change, and I know I've also helped inspire others here too, which feels REALLY good. I'm thinking maybe I will try to find a way to help others who are dealing with food addiction and body image when I get home. hmmmmmm

I've also come to the realization that I really TRULY don't care what the scale says while I'm here - and even when I get home. When we first booked this trip, I was doing the calculations in my head (if I can lose X amount, then I will be a success). But now, this journey has become about things that are not scale-related, and I KNOW that while here and once I'm home, that I will be successful if I can keep on this healthy path with both eating and exercising, while continuing to build my self-esteem, positive self-talk and identity - that the scale will move down on it's own. Without me obsessing about the number on it or letting it define my success or dictate how I am going to feel about myself. The scale IS a great tool, but it can't be the first or foremost method of gauging success.

I'm looking forward to this weekend - relaxing and sitting in the sun and working through some personal stuff. I don't think I'll be leaving here as I don't know anyone here who has a car! But even if I was leaving, I THINK I'd be able to withstand temptation and not buy any crap. It feels funny to say that, as my whole last paragraph was about how strong and healthy and empowered I feel. But we are dealing with an addiction here, and it's easy to feel *safe* here in the bubble. I know I will be tested EVERY DAY (and sometimes EVERY MOMENT!) once I'm out of here, but hopefully I will have built up a good foundation for success and will have the tools I need to avoid old habits.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Leslie xo


  1. I loved today's hiking pictures...especially the one of you at the top of the hill, or should I say "top of the world"! What an inspiring week this has been for you!

    You too have a wonderful weekend!

    xo Sue

  2. WOW - soooo much positive messaging coming from you and so much personal awareness you are exploring and coming to believe have come a long way !!! I am glad that you chose to be where you are for the 4 weeks for there has been so much growth just in the past 4-5 days. You are building a wonderful foundation of your self image that will be of such benefit when you are back in Ottawa. Love the pics of yuo - you look so invigorated and happy. Take care - will look forward to more stories. P.S. as you know, I am not very computer literate - hoping you are getting my comments!!? Gill


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